An Open Letter to Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise on Oprah


Dear Tom,

It is with great sadness that I write you this letter. We’ve known each other for a long time. We first met when I saw you do that terrific back flip in The Outsiders over twenty years ago. My crush was solidified when I saw you dance in your underwear. I fell in love with you when you lost that loving feeling to Kelly McGillis (whatever happened to her anyway?). It was infuriating and disappointing to watch you lose the Oscar you so deserved for Jerry Maguire to that babbling idiot savant guy from Australia. We’ve been through so much, Tommy. But I can’t take it anymore.

I’ve always admired the fact that you were never a publicity whore. You did your job, appreciated your fans and went home to your (then) wife and kids. You were perfect. You let Rosie gush all over you even when you knew she was hitting for the other team. But even Rosie’s had enough. I watched in mock horror as you pronounced your love for sixteen year old Katie Holmes on Oprah (well she looks sixteen anyway) after only two months of dating. My neck hurt from watching you jump all over poor Oprah and her lovely couch. I didn’t say anything. I thought, “Well, maybe there is such a thing as love at first sight. Maybe it’s not just for publicity.” I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I sat through all of your press interviews for War of the Worlds and listened to you talk more about Katie than the movie itself. I have to say that Steven Speilberg guy is pretty tolerant letting you talk about your love life on his dime. But through it all, I let it slide because, like I said, I’ve loved you since I was twelve.

Then one day I’m reading the newspaper and I’m a little disturbed to find out you publicly criticized Brooke Shields for speaking out about her post-partum depression and the medications she took in an effort to help herself. Tom, are you bitter that Brooke had the bigger role in your first movie, Endless Love? Did she block your close-ups? Is this a long standing vendetta against her because she went to Princeton for real and you only went there in Risky Business? How the hell can you speak about your “knowledge” of post-partum depression? When on the “Today” show you spoke about fatherhood and how “not until you experience it, can you really know it.” Tom, have you experienced post-partum depression? Because if you have, you have some bigger issues that you need to deal with.

Tom, I’ve had enough. I’m not going to rant on and on about your tirade on the Today show and the rumors about you and Katie and it all being some sort of scam (although I do think it would be fantastic if this were all one elaborate “Punk’d” episode and you were in cahoots with Ashton). I think you get my point. And if you don’t, let me spell it out for you: SHUT IT.

Regretfully yours,

JBspeaks