Summer is Here, Part I...*

This week I was going to write another “Top Ten” list about my favorite things to do and see in Washington, D.C., as I have just arrived home from a business trip to our nation’s capital. After a four hour plus drive, I got home, brought my suitcase into the bedroom where I had every intention of unpacking when exhaustion took over and I conked out on the bed. Just as I was about to drift into a much needed sleep, I heard voices outside my window. “SHUT UP!” I thought. “I’m trying to get some rest!” The talking continued so I reluctantly got out of bed to shut the window. Now, if my life were a movie (which I sometimes think it is), this would be the part where the music would start to play in the background, something to the effect of Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” or “Love to Love You Baby” from Donna Summer, because just as I was about to shut the window, I saw the source of the chatter: Ken’s back. The deliciously hot, young, medical student pool guy. He’s back! He's tan and shirtless and cleaning the pool! All is right with the world. Summer is here!

So there I am, gazing out the window at Ken, the pool guy. I avoid using the term “pool boy” as it would be too clichéd and would cast me in the role of the rich, boozy, sex-starved older woman who foams at the mouth every time the pool boy shows up. But who am I kidding? Leave out the rich part and that’s pretty much true. Anyway...so I’m staring out the window at Ken the pool guy and I had an epiphany: this summer I’m going to talk to Ken. I won’t be intimidated by his gorgeous face, his piercing blue eyes, and his six pack abs. I will strike up a conversation. I will entice him with my sparkling wit and whimsical sense of humor. When you think about it, we have much in common. He cleans the pool; I swim in it. He’s in medical school; I feel a cold coming on. He has tattoos; I appreciate art. We’re a perfect match!

So that is my first goal of the summer: talk to Ken. And as soon as I get up the nerve, you'll be the first to know…

*"Summer is Here, Part II"...coming soon.

Blind leading the blind...

Blind dating is tough. For most people, the whole idea of meeting a stranger with “dating” potential is about as appealing as having your toenails pulled out with a pair of pliers. There are many of us who have been set up with someone who your friend thinks is “fantastic”. Mr. Fantastic is usually gay (“but you said you liked musical theater…so does he!”), married (“he said he was divorced!”) or just downright creepy. At least that’s my experience. See, our married friends don’t usually look into the details of the prospective date. They see a nice guy who has a job and combs his hair (if he has any) and figures that’s all we single gals need to know. Now, for you guys out there, you probably think I am being biased, but I know you have the same problems too. The women you meet on blind dates probably fall into these two categories: unattractive or desperate to be married. If after your initial meeting you’re not running for the door because her ass is too big, she drops the bomb on you that she is ready for marriage and kids…yesterday. A little too much information when you can’t even remember her last name. Believe me, I feel for you.

So how do we, men and women, bite the bullet as they say and take a blind leap of faith (pun intended)? Here are some tips to make that blind date a little less awkward…

1. Accept all dates. It’s tough, but you have to get out there. Mr. or Ms. Right is not going to come knocking on your door, unless they are the UPS delivery person. And when that happens, you’re usually in your pajamas and let’s face it…that ain’t pretty.

2. Don’t cancel. Unless there is a dire emergency, try not to cancel on BD (blind date). There is enough anxiety before a blind date without giving BD reason to think you are canceling because you don’t want to go out with them.

3. Skip dinner. Don’t plan an elaborate evening. Meeting for coffee or drinks is sufficient. You always have the option to go out for dinner afterwards if you are really hitting it off. You don’t want to be eating your salad and staring across the table thinking, “I have two more hours of this?”

4. Go easy on the hooch. You only have one chance to make a first impression. And I’m guessing that standing on the bar in your underwear singing “I Will Survive” is not the impression you want to make.

5. Don’t be interesting; be interested. I know you’ll want to share your thoughts on world politics and enlighten BD about your trip down the Amazon. But nothing is more frustrating than a date who is all wrapped up in him/her self. And nothing is more attractive than someone who listens to what you have to say and wants to contribute to the conversation.

6. Don’t bring up the past. When you are meeting someone for the first time, here are some “safe” subjects you can talk about: movies, sports, music, history and travel. Some subjects to avoid: past relationships. You’re not going to score any points telling BD how you can’t understand why that bitch left you. BD doesn’t care. Trust me.

7. Choose a neutral location. Don’t pick a place where everybody knows your name and yells “Norm!” when you walk through the door (providing Norm is your name). You may feel like it will take the pressure off you, but it puts a hell of a lot more pressure on BD. Now, not only are they trying to impress you, but also your ten friends who you have now invited over to the table to join you.

8. Be sincere. We all have a tendency to exaggerate (ahem). But you are not doing anyone a favor if everything that comes out of your mouth is a tall tale. Of course you want to impress BD. But sooner or later if all goes well, she’s gonna want to see that Lear Jet you’ve been talking so much about.

9. Don’t give false hope. We have all been guilty at one time or another of saying we’ll call. When we know we won’t. Give BD a little more credit. If you haven’t made a connection, that’s okay. Simply thank BD for a nice evening, say goodbye and call it a night. You’re being honest and BD will appreciate it. BD will not appreciate you taking BD’s number, saying you had a great time and promising to call...and then you don't.

10. Relax. It’s tough. I know it. You have all these expectations. You hate this whole “dating” thing. But remember: BD is just as nervous as you are. Possibly more so. So don’t sweat it. Just be yourself and have a good time. Who knows, a future BD may turn out to be TO (the one).

Any more advice? Post your comments!

Back from Paradise...

Picture taken at sunset...

Well I’m back. Sorry for the delay, but its hard to get back into the swing of things when you’ve been lying on a beach for a week. And yes, I have a gorgeous tan. Now, on to business…

In keeping with the subject here are my “Top Ten Tips for a Fantastic Vacation…”

1. Location, location, location. Where you go will set the tone for the trip from the get-go. If bare asses and breasts are not your thing, scratch Hedonism off the list.

2. Protection. And by this I mean the sunscreen kind. Nothing is worse than spending the first few days of your vacation in intensive care because you forgot the SPF 30.

3. Choose your TC wisely. Your TC (Traveling Companion) is a very important part of the equation. If you are traveling with a friend, make sure you give her half the counter space in the bathroom. And the closet. And the dresser. On the other hand, if you can, travel with a man. All he needs is enough space for his shaving cream, deodorant and toothbrush.

4. Pack light. Yes, I know, those of you who know me well are laughing your asses off. But as TC can tell you, I came and left with one suitcase for a week. Which is quite an accomplishment. I did manage to bring nine pairs of shoes for seven days, but that’s another story.

5. Make friends. This comes in handy when TC is off doing his/her own thing (cause let’s face it- you can’t spend 24 hours together). So while I was relaxing alone on the beach, I met a terrific couple (from Matawan, NJ no less) on their honeymoon. They asked me to join them for lunch and the rest is history. I’ll be moving into their condo within a week.

6. Drink responsibly. Besides the fact that you will wake up with a wicked hangover, too many daiquiris may result in too many instances where you are saying and doing things you wish you hadn’t. And when someone suggests to “keep the party going” by drinking through your hangover, that’s never a good thing.

7. Be adventurous. When you are away from home there are lots of opportunities to do things you normally wouldn’t do. Take advantage of it. Snorkeling, scuba, jet-ski, etc. And special props go out to TC for taking part in the cliff-diving. TWICE.

8. Bring a camera. You only have one chance to capture the moment (see cliff diving above), so make sure you have a camera on hand. If you have one of those tiny video cams, bring that along too. Just don’t bore your friends and family with insisting that they “have to see” your tour through the Amish country.

9. Be prepared. Like a good boy scout, always be prepared for the climate you are going to. My first night on vacation I wore my usual perfume and I spent the rest of the night fighting off pests. Unfortunately, I am not speaking of the men, but the bugs. Morale of the story: bring OFF. Lots of it.

And most importantly….

10. Have a good time. Everything may not go according to plan, but when does it ever? You paid a lot of money to get where you’re going, so sit back, soak up the sun, have a margarita and enjoy! And for those of you wondering, yes I did...